I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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