he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
