Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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