If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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