so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Boobs speak an international language.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
