Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
