Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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