we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
