yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
