I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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