as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this just has baby written all over it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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