This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
