Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
