if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
