I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
