Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
