All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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