5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
