Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
