I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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