dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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