i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
