We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
