Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
