I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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