You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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