Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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