I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
