i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who wears a wallet chain?!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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