Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
