i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
