i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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