u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
