yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
