I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
