woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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