I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
