If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
