Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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