I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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