i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
