sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
