Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
