They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
