i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
