I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
