just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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