even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
