I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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