when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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