Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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