guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
