We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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