Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
