dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
