Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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