don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
