Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
