A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
