There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
