I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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