i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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