I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
