I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
