we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
