think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
