ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
