final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
