areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
