Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
