I swear she didn't look like that last week.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
