dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
