what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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