all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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