oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
