I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
