Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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