TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
