btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
