There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
