Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
