i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
