Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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