I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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