people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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