WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
