she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
