'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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