Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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