WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
