I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
