So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
