I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
